The crushing weight of being told "it gets better" when you're already drowning feels like such a cruel dismissal of where you are right now. I hear you questioning whether this darkness might be permanent, and that fear makes complete sense when you're living in it every single day. What strikes me is that you're still here asking these questions - even in this pit, there's a part of you that's fighting to understand, and that itself is a form of strength worth recognizing.