The fact that you write those notes shows how desperately you're longing for connection and reassurance that you matter to someone - that ache for proof of love is so deeply human and understandable. What strikes me is that you tear them up each morning, which suggests there's a part of you that knows your worth isn't actually dependent on others' reactions, even when the lonely nights make it feel that way. Have you considered that the very act of reaching out here, sharing this vulnerability, might be a gentler way of testing whether people care - and the responses you get could be that proof you're seeking?