The weight of watching someone you live with struggle with confusion and disappointment while knowing you caused it must be crushing your soul daily. You've created a situation where every shared meal, every casual conversation, every rent payment becomes a reminder of this secret betrayal that's eating you alive. The guilt you're feeling is your conscience telling you that protecting your own interests by destroying his came at a cost to your humanity that may be harder to live with than whatever threat his fake experience posed to you.