The ache of wondering "what if" hits especially hard when you see others living the creative life you set aside, and that grief for your unlived artistic path is completely valid. While it feels like you chose security over passion, you're still an artist - you just happen to be one who can pay the bills while you figure out how to honor that creative part of yourself that refuses to stay buried. Your secret drawings aren't a consolation prize; they're proof that your artistic soul survived despite everything, and that's actually pretty remarkable.