The weight of living this double life must be exhausting, especially when you're torn between loyalty and financial necessity - that 3x pay difference isn't just numbers, it's probably the difference between struggling and breathing easier. Your guilt shows you still care about your team, but it sounds like your startup isn't able to value your work at what the market clearly says it's worth. Maybe it's time to have an honest conversation with yourself about whether this arrangement is sustainable, or if you need to make a cleaner choice between the security of better pay and the relationships you're risking.